March 29, 2006

1.5 - Break of Day

Author's Note; sorry this took so long to arrive, we were supposed to be on episode 1.08 by now! Personal problems!
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We return exactly where we left off on Coronation Street as an electric night draws to a close. Karen stands opposite her arch rival. Nothing but anger in her eyes, and nothing but fear in Tracy's.

'Hello, Tracy,' says Karen, and her voice is calm.

Then, out of nowhere, it happens. Before Tracy can even anticipate it, Karen has slapped her. Tracy screams, her face stinging, clutching it.

'THAT'S for ruining my marriage,' Karen shouts, and she's perfect opposition for the wind. 'And THAT,' she says, slapping Tracy again, sending her flying and screaming, 'is for you driving me away.'

Tracy is shellshocked. 'My mum and dad are crying in eachother's arms behind that door,' she says, motioning to it. 'Your former boss died tonight, on those steps.'

'Mike? Dead?'

'Yes. Mike died. And for the record, THIS,' shouts Tracy, bringing her hand across Karen's face, 'is for taking my baby and making out like you'd had her burn alive in my car.'

Karen laughs as she stands up straight again. 'Oh, Tracy, Tracy,' she says, her voice low. 'That wasn't very nice now, was it?'

'If you don't mind, I'm consoling my mum and dad, so can you just go? I'm sure Steve will be happy to see you. Steve and his new girlfriend.'

'Sure,' says Karen, unfazed by Tracy's words. 'I'm off, see ya.'

She turns away and Tracy has almost shut her door, when Karen retracts. 'Oh, Tracy?'

'Yes?'

Karen lunges forward and lands a punch in Tracy's face, flooring her immediately. 'THAT, well, what can I say? I felt like it.'

And before Tracy can rise, Karen has disappeared in a flick of her red dress. A bleeding Tracy scrambles to her feet and darts outside, but Karen's already too far away. Disappearing into the night...


The storm continues throughout the night but by morning it has subsided and all that is left of it is the puddles that are dotted around the cobbles. Bright white light pierces through the grey clouds. The morning finds Ken and Deirdre still together in the Barlow lounge, having barely slept. It finds Sarah Platt, staring at her ceiling as she lies in bed next to Jason Grimshaw, who is facing the wall. Neither are aware the other is awake, but they contemplate. Contemplate over the same thing: Todd. Sarah's in bed with the brother of the man who broke her heart, the man who fathered her second child... while Jason is thinking along the same lines. What will Todd do when he finds out that the pair he found in bed all that time ago, the pair he thought were just having a one night stand, had become romantically involved on a more permanent basis? Either way, as they lay alongside eachother, they both felt uncomfortable about the times ahead. In the Baldwin house, it finds Jamie lying asleep on the sofa, and Danny sitting at the arm chair, motionless, eyes sticky from the tears. He's beyond tears now, there's no point in them. Frankie emerges from upstairs and, on noticing Danny, offers him a weak smile. He tries to return it but his eyes fill again. Almost resiliently, he stops himself, and whispers, 'hi.'

'I'll make you some tea, Dan,' says Frankie, and she proceeds to the kitchen. Danny had offered her his bed the previous night, claiming he would have no use for it. He just wanted to be alone. Jamie had returned in the early hours, and Danny had pretended to be sleeping and let Jamie settle down. So young, so broken... sleeping. Tossing and turning. Bad dreams. Hurt. Mangled feelings. Guilt. Remorse. Grief. Danny had watched him till sunrise.

And now, despite not sleeping a wink, Danny is wide awake. He knows there is a funeral to organise, and he needs to pull together for the sake of the family, however much he feels he can't.

Ashley is preparing breakfast in the Peacock house. He is still shell shocked at finding Matt Ramsden in the ward with his wife and newborn baby, but the hurt he feels inside him, that he had felt on learning Matt had delivered his child - that took some beating. He couldn't bear it.

His mobile phone rings. For a while he stares at it. Then he answers. 'Hello?'

'Ashley, it's me,' says Claire. 'I'm sorry... just let me explain?'

'Go on then, Claire, explain!' says Ashley, and he's angry, tearful suddenly.

'Matt came over for another try to get us to let him have Josh, I tried to make him go but he knocked me over, he was crazy, Ashley, and then my waters broke! He had pulled out the phone...' Ashley glances over to see the phone is indeed lying on the floor. 'There was no choice, Ashley... when the ambulance came for Mike Baldwin, it was too late... I wanted you to be here Ashley but you weren't!'

'So now it's my fault?'

'No, Ashley...'

Ashley terminates the call and is tearful for a moment, then anger rises within him and he punches the wall.

In the Grimshaw house, Eileen is in the kitchen when Todd emerges.

'Morning Todd,' Eileen says brightly, offering him a plate bearing a fry-up. 'Thought I'd fill you up.'

'Thanks Mum,' says Todd, sitting and starting to eat. 'How long does Sean take in the bathroom?'

'Only a couple of hours,' says Eileen in her usual way, 'I wouldn't worry, I'm sure you'll fit in a go sometime before midday.'

'Home sweet home,' Todd replies.

'You bet,' says Eileen, and she can't hide the hurt as she remembers in growing detail the conversation she had overheard the night before. 'You know, Todd, you can tell me about what's been happening to you... I want to know, everything, all you've been doing, people you've met.'

'Yeah, I know.'

'Any idea where Jason went last night?' adds Eileen.

'Nope,' says Todd. 'Probably stayed with a mate, or his latest girlfriend.'

'Who, Sarah? I don't think Gail would approve.'

Todd almost spits out his food. 'Sarah?' he cries, swallowing the food and staring up at his mum with open eyes.

It's a little too late for Eileen as she realises she could have kept the secret a little better. 'Oh... I'm sorry, son. They've been together a while now. Ever since he broke up with...'

'It's fine,' says Todd, finishing his food. 'Thanks for the breakfast, I'm off to get ready.'

'Todd?' says Eileen as her son makes for the door.

'Honestly, it's cool, I'm over her!' says Todd, and he runs upstairs. Once up, he retrieves his phone and searches for Violet's number that he had got the night before. 'Hey, it's me... Todd. Fancy doing anything today?'

At the McDonald's flat, Steve is struggling to cope with the child that was dumped on his doorstep the night before.

'Call the police, Steve,' says Ronnie, for what may be the fiftieth time.

'I can't believe someone would dump a baby on us,' Steve says, ignoring her.

'Call them, Steve! Look, should I call them?' Ronnie has picked up the phone and is ready to dial.

'No, I'll do it, give us the phone...'

And he dials. 'Hello... I'd like to report an incident, please.'

In the hospital, a nurse enters Claire's cubical. 'Mrs Peacock, we've done all the necessary tests and you're fine, you and the baby are healthy.'

'Does that mean I can go home?'

'Yes!' beams the nurse. 'You can call your husband, let him know.'

'Thanks,' says Claire, and the nurse warmly smiles at her before disappearing. Claire gets ready to leave, knowing she will have to call a cab to get back to her house alone.

Over at the Baldwin house, Jamie is still asleep. Frankie sits with Danny and offers him some food. 'You need to eat, Dan.'

'Thanks,' he says. 'But I need to... do the funeral, sort things.'

'All in good time, Danny,' Frankie says, with a hint of urgency. 'Right now you need to eat, and sleep. I'll make some calls, okay, and it'll be fine.'

Frankie leaves the room.

Back at the Grimshaw house, Eileen is in the kitchen when the phone rings. As it does, Todd is starting to come downstairs. She picks up the receiver.

'Hello?'

Todd arrives in the doorway, and Eileen raises an eyebrow. 'Karl?'

'I'm not here... I'm not here!' Todd hisses, waving his hands.

'Our Todd? No, not seen him for ages! ... Yeah, oh the phone, every now and then... okay, Karl, yes, okay,' says Eileen, and she's staring at Todd with every word. 'Bye, then.'

And she puts the phone down. 'What is going on, Todd?'

Elsewhere, Claire is arriving home in a taxi. She steps out, baby in arms, and pays the driver. 'Thank you,' she says, and the cab disappears.

Bracingly, she approaches her house and lets herself in. 'Ashley?' she calls.

She closes the door and enters the living room, where Ashley is sitting. He scrambles to his feet on seeing the newborn, and dashes towards his wife.

'It's our baby, Ashley!' Claire says, and she's smiling, tears brimming in her eyes once more. 'It's our baby...'

'Can I hold her?' he asks, knowing he had left before having the chance the night before.

Claire passes the baby to Ashley and, in that split moment, knows everything is going to be fine. Ashley's got tears in his eyes now, this time they aren't tears of anger, or sadness, but tears of happiness...

Outside, Steve opens his door and steps out into the cold. He zips up his coat as far as it will go and heads out, into the cold. Within seconds, Tracy is out of her house and rushing towards him. 'Steve!' she cries.

'What is it, what's wrong? Is it Amy?'

'No, Steve!' says Tracy, and there's a pause.

'What is it?'

'Karen's back...'

'You what?' says Steve incredulously.

'Karen... she's back... she came back last night.'

And it all starts to fall into place for Steve... the baby. Karen. Last night. Unbelievable. It can't be... or can it? 'Well where is she?'

'That's what I need to talk to you about-'

'Steve.'

A new voice pierces through the air. A voice all too familiar to Steve. It's too real. He can't bare to turn around. But he does, and, his head slowly moving in the direction of the sound, his heart rate starts to rocket. Then he sees her.

And he can't quite find the words to describe the shock he feels.

9 Reviews:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

.maxi - Wonderful stuff again - well done. :)

I see you've gone back to using strong imagery to convey the atmosphere of your story - and it worked very effectively here.

For instance, this.........

The storm continues throughout the night but by morning it has subsided and all that is left of it is the puddles that are dotted around the cobbles. Bright white light pierces through the grey clouds.

....worked superbly in mirroring 'the morning after the night before' emotions of the various residents of Corrie Land. Excellent. :)

The way this episode read was as if it was one of 'moments', snapshots that served to bring focus to both the individual and those they needed a connection with/from. It felt as if I was being allowed into private moments that symbolized what each of these people were about.

There was a nice balance, yet again, between your various story threads. Each area of your story felt unrushed and felt appropriately timed, so this lent an extra layer of realism to what I was reading - well done!!

And I honestly feel that the stark black background to your site, coupled with the clear and contrasting white of the text, really adds to the atmosphere of your writing. It's an environment which serves to infuse your words with a complementing mood of its own, so I hope you choose to keep this site design, as it is simple yet very striking.

With your characters, you were yet again true to each of them, giving them dialogue to fit their very unique traits. Here is a good example of this.......

'Go on then, Claire, explain!' says Ashley, and he's angry, tearful suddenly.

I can just hear/picture Ashley saying this!!

Now, Todd and Karl....What are you trying to do to me .maxi??!!...............

Back at the Grimshaw house, Eileen is in the kitchen when the phone rings. As it does, Todd is starting to come downstairs. She picks up the receiver.

'Hello?'

Todd arrives in the doorway, and Eileen raises an eyebrow. 'Karl?'


[It's Karl!!!!!!]

'I'm not here... I'm not here!' Todd hisses, waving his hands.

[*sobs*!!]

'Our Todd? No, not seen him for ages! ... Yeah, oh the phone, every now and then... okay, Karl, yes, okay,' says Eileen, and she's staring at Todd with every word. 'Bye, then.'

He's going....he's going....he's gone......nooooo...... :(

In terms of your grammar, the grammar nut in me, however, did go a bit 'nutty' when I was reading this, so this is an area still needing quite a bit of work. Your spelling was generally very good, though a few mistakes crept in. And the Karen 'retracting' line didn't really work for me, as it just didn't sound right. However, overall, it was very well written.

As for that Karen/Tracy 'exchange' at the beginning of the episode...well, you like a good catfight, don't you, .maxi!!!! :D

And this leads me into this line..........

And before Tracy can rise, Karen has disappeared in a flick of her red dress.

LOL! This line makes Karen sound like some mysterious and mythical figure, who is at once there, and then at a flick of her red dress.....she's vanished into thin air! :D

And still on this Karen/Tracy confrontation, I loved how you had Karen's shouting being a 'perfect opposition to the wind', as it just highlighted the force within the character. And I would have loved to have seen Tracy 'flying and screaming'...lol!! :D

Thought your 'The morning finds' lead-in to your little 'vignettes' was wonderful. The way you introduced this section of your text was filled with a meaning that helped to bring out the life in these moments so important to the characters that lived in them.

And this brings me to one of my two (I've already quoted my other one!! ;)) 'Vignettes of the episode'. This following 'vignette' I found to be poignant and 'real' and I just loved it.........

In the Baldwin house, it finds Jamie lying asleep on the sofa, and Danny sitting at the arm chair, motionless, eyes sticky from the tears. He's beyond tears now, there's no point in them. Frankie emerges from upstairs and, on noticing Danny, offers him a weak smile. He tries to return it but his eyes fill again. Almost resiliently, he stops himself, and whispers, 'Hi.'

This next line is a favourite, simply due to its effective capturing of the moment that came with the character's words......

Todd almost spits out his food. 'Sarah?' he cries, swallowing the food and staring up at his mum with open eyes.

And here is one of my favourite lines of the episode, which, as with the episode before, comes courtesy of Steve McDonald.........

'You what?' says Steve, incredulously.

Spot-on, .maxi; that is exactly what Steve would say in 'that' situation. :D

So, great job again, .maxi, and I look forward....*cough* Todd and Karl sitting in a tree.....K I S S I N G.....*cough* :D :o ....to The Long Goodbye. I just hope that title doesn't need to be ominous for 'me'!!

xx Joanna xx

3:41 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

truly wonderful work again maxi! i love it!

7:26 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

loving it, go karen!!!

4:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the description, the use of it was amazing. I love the comment about anger in Karen's eyes, and fear in Tracy's. I loved the slapping from Karen, and that final punch, I could just see it working on screen, so that was very well written. I also loved this sentence: Karen has disappeared in a flick of her red dress, little sentences like that work so well.

I like the scenes with the Baldwins. Loves this: So young, so broken... sleeping. Tossing and turning. Bad dreams. Hurt. Mangled feelings. Guilt. Remorse. Grief, when Danny was watching Jamie sleeping. That was particularly beautiful.

The ending was the best though. And he can't quite find the words to describe the shock he feels. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Brilliant, looking forward to the next episode.

4:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when's the nxt 1? also how many epis will there be?? will anyone die?

4:20 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great episode - just keep it coming

the description in these is absolutely briliant, have you ever thought about doing this for a libing or being an author, becuase with your writing talent, you could go all the way imo

11:23 am  
Blogger James said...

Thanks so much, yakutz, that's an awesome thing to say! I'm so flattered! :D

Also, to the anonymous soul, the next episode is NEXT Friday, and someone may be dying, yes. There will be 12 episodes.

6:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this episode,.maxi. One of the best! can't wait to read number 6. :-)

2:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Another fantastic episode, you are really talented at this. The imagery is really powerful and the catfight at the beggining was brillaintly written. Im so glad Karens back, shes a great character.

11:57 pm  

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