April 26, 2006

1.10 - Old Flame

Author's Note; yo, as they say. this 'authors note' thing has become a little tradition, and the episodes feel incomplete without it now (despite only about 3 episodes featuring one) I hope you enjoy and do leave your comments!
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The sun starts to set on Coronation Street, the slow transition from day to night well under way. In the Baldwin house, the will reading that occurred earlier that very day is still leaving an odd atmosphere to linger in the air. Frankie is making a surprisingly chipper Jamie dinner. 'It's a nice night today, isn't it?'

'I spose,' replies Frankie, before stopping in the door. 'Jamie, love, you don't need to pretend to happy if, really, you're a bit pi-'

'I'm fine,' Jamie says, interrupting her, before looking up and smiling. 'Why would I be mad? Danny's donating it to the Alzheimer’s trust.'

'I really don't think -'

'Don't think what?' says Danny, who has appeared at the door.

'Oh, it doesn't matter,' she replies irritably, before returning to the kitchen.

'Evening,' Jamie says brightly, to which Danny shoots him a trying glare.

'Hello sunshine, going to fill me in on Frankie's little joke, then?'

'She just doubted if you would donate the money to the Alzheimer’s trust like you said.'

Danny stops in his tracks and looks at Jamie for a while, and a look of dawning comprehension passes over his face. Quickly recovering, but perhaps not quick enough, he says, 'yeah. Course. Well you pretty much guaranteed it didn't you?'

'And you're not angry?'

'Yeah,' says Frankie, joining in again, 'you're fine with this whole charity donation thing?'

'Well of course I'm not thrilled, not jumping from the rooftops, who would be? But you know, still got things going for me... anyway, I think it's time I moved back to my own flat, get on with things and all that.'

'You mean, "get on with things" now that you've got Mike's money?' Jamie says sarcastically, to which Danny goes to respond. But he's not quick enough.

'So you're really going to give it to charity?' Frankie replies, in utter shock.

'Really, really,' says Danny slowly, before leaving the room with a smug expression.

Once out of earshot, Jamie looks up at a shocked Frankie. 'You know, you really do know how to fall for his lies.'

In the Grimshaw house, Todd is sitting in a decidedly despondent fashion in the lounge. Eileen is out, Jason is upstairs, and to Todd, it seems like the world is against him. He's upset Violet, he's annoyed Jason, and he’s disappointed his mother. Sean - well, Sean's unmoved, but not there. Todd was very much alone in the house, and almost regretted coming back.

Jason hadn't spoken to Todd since what happened in the pub the previous night. Todd wasn't really bothered - one of the initial reasons for him and Violet was to upset his brother, and show him how it felt to have your brother get with your girlfriend. Todd knew that when Jason had slept with Sarah years ago they weren't together, but it was the principle. Principle, in fact, that was all the more apt here - for Jason and Violet were supposedly not a couple, yet Jason has reacted in the same way as he had: angrily.

Though Todd expects Jason to appear at some point, when he actually does he is knocked off guard. Jason enters, and stops on seeing Todd. He looks at him for a minute, goes to speak, then resists, then blurts something out. 'What are you doing here?'

'Nothing,' says Todd, who could have easily thought of a clever retort, but felt too emotionally drained to bother.

He realises that all the anger, all the furious pent up feelings he had planned to vent the next time he saw Jason, had gone. He had planned a verbal onslaught yet now his brother was standing opposite him he felt it unnecessary.

'Nothing?'

'Yeah, got a problem?'

'Well, yeah I do.'

'So you've got a problem with nothing?'

'Yes.'

'Why, Jason?' Todd says. 'Why are you angry with me? Did I ask you to speak to me? No. No I didn't, so do me a favour and sod off unless you want to say something nice to me.'

Jason glares at Todd angrily. He was supposed to be the angry one. He was the victim, not his brother, not his gay brother, who had just hit on his ex-girlfriend.

The phone rings. Todd is more than aware of who it could be - Karl has been calling regularly since his return. He jumps up but Jason is too quick for him.

'It's for me,' Todd says urgently, but it's too late.

'Hello?' Jason says.

'Jason, it's Karl, Todd's friend,' says the voice on the other end of the line.

'Oh, hello Sarah!' says Jason, waving for Todd to go away while they have a private talk. Todd, relieved, leaves the room and goes upstairs.

'What are you talking about? I'm a man, I know I don't sound anything like a -'

'I know you don't, you pillock,' says Jason, who is still slightly alarmed that he is speaking to Todd's male ex-partner. 'What do you want?'

'Have you heard from Todd lately?'

'Why do you want to know?'

'Just tell me.'

'Why do you want to know?

'Please, just say. It's important, complicated. Is here there? Has he called?'

Tempted, Jason considers telling Karl that Todd is home, but stops himself. 'No, we haven't heard from him. Why would we have? Why do you keep ringing? Stop it.'

The line is silent for a moment. 'Okay, fine. I'm sorry I bothered you, I just don't know where he -'

'Jason, can you get off the phone, I'm expecting an important c-' Todd starts strongly, reappearing. Despite Jason's attempts to silence Todd, the lack of sound on the end of the line suggests Karl heard Todd's return.

'That was Todd... I heard him,' Karl yells down the phone. 'Pass me over to Todd, NOW.'

Jason slams the phone down. 'What a bitch that Sarah is. She hung up on me.'

'I'm waiting for a call, don't use the phone,' Todd says, ignoring Jason. He disappears. Jason looks fretful as he watches Todd disappear up the stairs.

In the McDonald house, Ronnie and Steve are talking. Ronnie is still very shocked and upset about the news she received, and Steve is being particularly careful not to upset her.

'We can work this out,' he says. 'I promise.'

'It was bad enough with Amy, and Tracy, now there's Karen and her baby and now me and mine...'

'I know it's hard, but I really think me and you can work. I can't believe you almost ran away from me... without saying anything!'

'I was shocked, Steve!' Ronnie replies indignantly. 'I'm sorry!'

'Just don't run away from me again!' he says, and there's a long pause. 'Ronnie... do you want a baby?'

'I'd never even considered it, not till now... now I've thought about it.'

'But do you want one?'

'Well how do you mean?'

'If you don't... there's always other -'

'You mean ABORTION?' Ronnie screams, utterly furious. 'I refuse... I won't have an abortion, I'll never do it Steve, I can't believe you even SUGGESTED it!'

She's standing now, and Steve's panicked.

'Not just that!' he shouts. 'Listen to me Ronnie, sit down, flippin' heck! There are all sorts of alternatives - I was talking about adoption, not abortion! If you don't want to raise a kid, if that's the problem...'

'That's not the problem here, the problem is your two other women and your two other kids, that's the problem!'

Steve, at a loss for words, looks down to his knees. Guilt passes across Ronnie's face. She goes to speak, then Steve's phone rings.

'Hello?'

'It's Karen.'

'Karen? How the hell did you get my number?'

'We were married, sweetheart,' Karen reminds him. 'I want to meet you.'

'Fine.'

'When?'

'Now's fine, I suppose.'

Ronnie stares at Steve as though trying to hear the phone call through concentrating on his head.

'I'm in the Rovers.'

Steve hangs up. 'That was -'

'Karen, yes, I heard,' Ronnie snaps.

'I'm going to go and meet her.'

'What a great idea!' Ronnie replies sardonically. 'You do that, go ahead!'

'I'm going,' Steve persists, 'to tell her that you're pregnant, and that I don't want anything to do with her.'

'So you're going to neglect her?' Ronnie says loudly. 'When the next woman comes along will you do the same to me? Come find me and tell me you don't want anything to with her?'

'That's not fair.'

'Sounds fair to me.'

'I'm only trying to make things right, Ronnie,' says Steve, standing up. 'You're making this impossible for me... I'll be back soon, no more disappearing acts, okay?'

He kisses her on the forehead and leaves the flat.

At the Peacock house, Claire is fretting. She has been fretting all day, ever since she received the call from Matt Ramsden. She doesn't feel safe in the flat anymore, not at all so. She is worried Matt will do something stupid, afraid he could come at anytime. Her biggest fear is a clash between Ashley and Matt. Two men, desperate to fight their corner, growing ever more desperate to do so. She doesn't know where it will lead, nor does she know what to do. It seems impossible. Matt is insisting that he will get his son, yet Ashley is adamant he will not let that happen.

Sooner or later, Claire knows someone has to give in, and this is her biggest fear of all.

Outside, at the end of the street, Matt Ramsden sits in his parked car. It's too dark for him to be easily spotted now. There's no streetlamps to illuminate his face. No shop windows to reflect his image. He's a figure, concealed in a car, a motionless car. A figure holding a loaded gun. A figure waiting to pounce.

In the Baldwin house, Danny, Frankie and Jamie are eating dinner. 'So do you want to go together to give our money to the charity? The bank can handle it all,' Jamie says to Danny.

'Nah, you're all right, Jamie,' he replies. 'I'll go tomorrow morning, first thing. You go when you like, I've got things to do tomorrow it's best we go separate.'

'Fair enough.'

'Well I wouldn't call it that, but then again, you make the decisions nowadays, don't you?' says Danny, unable to resist a dig.

'All for the greater good,' Jamie replies. 'Everyone was so impressed at your generosity, compassion, you know? Giving to charity. So selfless.'

'You'll regret the selflessness of this when you're after your inheritance, Jamie,' Danny snipes.

'If there's one thing this debacle's taught me,' Jamie says, 'is that I don't care about inheritance anymore. Not one bit.'

'Can we change the subject, please?' Frankie asks, sensing the little war the feuding pair have going on.

Having nearly finished anyway, Jamie stands. 'I'm done. And I'm off out. Thanks for the meal,' he adds, with genuine sincerity.

Grabbing his coat, he leaves, Danny and Frankie sitting awkwardly together at the table. Outside now, into the cold and the dark, he retrieves his mobile phone and finds a number he'd found and stored previously. Dialling, he holds the phone to his ear.

'Hello? Is this the Weatherfield Gazette?' he says. 'Ah, yes. I've got one hell of a story for you.'

A taxi passes him and stops outside the Grimshaw house. Out steps a familiar face...

In the Rovers, Steve sits opposite Karen.

'Hey, baby. Took time off from the girls to see you.'

'That's nice,' says Steve.

'Aren't you interested in our baby, Steve?'

'I'm as interested in 'our baby' as I am in Amy, Karen.'

'And who's the slut?'

'The what?'

'The slut you're living with now?'

'She's NOT a slut Karen,' Steve says, his temper fast rising. 'She's anything but a slut, if it's any of your business...'

'It can't be serious between you,' Karen says, laughing, before her bright face fades, 'can it?'

'As a matter of fact, it is,' Steve replies, and though he knows he has to tell Karen the truth, for some reason he really doesn't want to.

'How serious?'

'More serious than you'd think.'

Karen looks upset. 'But Steve... I came back for you! You and me...'

'You divorced me, Karen!' Steve cries. 'You divorced me, now you want me back?'

'Yes!' Karen replies, her eyes wide, sparkling. 'We're meant to be together Steve, we've got a child, we can start a family, start again! We'll -'

'Karen...'

'- be just like we were before. Loving, but argumentative... and I'll make allowances for Tracy Barlow, I won't be all possessive, because we'll be together, and-'

'KAREN!' Steve shouts, silencing her, before lowering his voice to a whisper so as not to tell the entire unsettled pub. 'Ronnie's pregnant.'

The Grimshaw doorbell rings. Jason, watching the television, leaps from the sofa. He vaults over it and scrambles into the hall, but Todd is already at the foot of the stairs. Todd strides to the door and opens it. He gasps.

Wind gusts into the house.

A train roars to its target.

Streetlights explode. Colour bleeds.

Traffic all around them now. Yet amongst all the noise, all the commotion, all the light and sound, Todd's words come out, clear to all.

'Karl...'

Indescribable emotions sweeping upwards, up and past his beating heart.

23 Reviews:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow that one was really good!!!

11:04 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was fab. What a b**tard Jason was. Loved Jamie. OMG Matt Ramsden has gone mad! I like Ronnie and Steve, and I think it totally in Karen's character that she would just expect to take up where she left of with Steve.

Can't wait for the next chapter!!

11:04 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

.maxi - Well done, again! Still keeping up that standard, I see, that you established from the very first episode. :)

Again, what I found to be a highlight of your work is your knack of fitting the dialogue so well to each character, giving them words to say that really do go with their personalities.

And, in this eppy, the character I felt was given the most 'fitting' dialogue was Ronnie.

Here are a couple of examples......

+ I was shocked, Steve!' Ronnie replies indignantly. 'I'm sorry!' [So good, I could actually almost hear Ronnie's voice saying the words as I was reading them!]

+ What a great idea!' Ronnie replies sardonically. 'You do that, go ahead!'

See you've gone for another of your style changes.....and you seem to have picked a neutral one this time round! Imagery is there, but not really, and, again, you've gone for a dialogue-heavy approach, but in a way where it didn't feel as such! Does that make sense!!

But still on imagery for a moment, you really set up a sense of foreboding here, didn't you?!........

Outside, at the end of the street, Matt Ramsden sits in his parked car. It's too dark for him to be easily spotted now. There's no streetlamps to illuminate his face. No shop windows to reflect his image. He's a figure, concealed in a car, a motionless car. A figure holding a loaded gun. A figure waiting to pounce.

Once more, you've done well in balancing each of the various narrative threads, so they each get the appropriate amount of attention they deserve.

Okay, here are my critical points for this eppy.....

+ Your grammar is fairly good, though you still need to work on this.

+ I think maybe you were trying to get the fic out for today and so consequently didn't check what you'd done thoroughly enough. For instance, you missed out a word at one point, that was needed for a particular sentence to make sense ("'I spose,' replies Frankie, before stopping in the door. 'Jamie, love, you don't need to pretend to [be?] happy if, really, you're a bit pi-'"), and you said 'here' instead of 'he' for a certain "you-know-who's" dialogue......[Please, just say. It's important, complicated. Is here there? Has he called?']

+ I don't think Todd would have, even initally, gone out with Violet just to get at Jason. It doesn't really seem to fit his character.

+ Right at the end of your eppy, when *sigh* Todd and Karl first set eyes on each other after not having seen each other for so long, I felt this section of wording didn't really work...........

Wind gusts into the house.

A train roars to its target.

Streetlights explode. Colour bleeds.

Traffic all around them now. Yet amongst all the noise, all the commotion, all the light and sound, Todd's words come out, clear to all.


I can see what you were trying to do here, but the way you structured and worded it didn't quite work for me - which doesn't mean that the actual idea itself was bad, as I thought it was a good one.

'Streetlights explode. Colour bleeds' was a bit OTT, for me anyway. I can't see the streetlights 'exploding' (think that would have been 'noticed'!), though did you mean they 'exploded' with light, as, if you did, this didn't come across - it sounded very literal!! LOL, it sounded like an ending to one of those Hollywood romance epics!

And....Wind gusts into the house.....I actually found a bit funny.....sorry!! We had Todd opening the door, and 'someone' stood there....then there is a gust of 'wind'.....just me, probably, who thought this! :o

Next up.....here are just a few of my favourite lines/turns of phrase/bits of dialogue from this eppy.......

+ Danny's 'dawning comprehension'.

+ Here is a little bit of 'back-and-forth' between Jason and Todd, which I loved, with Jason's line coming first.....

Nothing?'

'Yeah, got a problem?'

'Well, yeah I do.'

'So you've got a problem with nothing?' [Brilliant, .maxi!!]

'Yes.'


+ Steve's "flippin' heck". [He sooo would say this!]

+ Ronnie stares at Steve as though trying to hear the phone call through concentrating on his head. [Come on, own up, who else has done something like this before??!! :D]

+ Jason, it's Karl, Todd's friend,' says the voice on the other end of the line. [Loved this for the simple reason that it was Karl's first line of dialogue in the whole of your fic!!!!]

+ And here is, I think, my favourite line of dialogue from the whole eppy.....and they are spoken by Karl about a certain someone who he just can't be without....."I just don't know where he -" [And the reason I love this so much? Well, this just says it 'all', doesn't it? They are emotional words, that highlight just how much Karl cares (and loves!!) Todd, just how much he is missing him and desperately longing to see him again, just how he is not very successfully handling being apart from Todd, just how much.....you get the picture!!!!!!]

And the above leads me to......yes, here are my 'thoughts' on the Todd and Karl part of your eppy...*gulp* *sigh*.........

Firstly.....Tempted, Jason considers telling Karl that Todd is home, but stops himself. 'No, we haven't heard from him. Why would we have? Why do you keep ringing? Stop it.'

And on his calling Karl a 'pillock'....well, I would go further than this regarding Jason! What a nasty, spiteful thing to do!

When Todd was so eager to speak to Karl when he rang, when he had refused to speak to him on every single other occasion he had called, was he just trying to stop Jason speaking to him? And assuming the 'important c- ' Todd was expecting was one from Karl, well, again, why is he so keen to now speak to him when he wouldn't before? Of course, I'm very glad he finally does, though! And even more 'of course', I want them to do far more than talk? ;)

As you read from earlier in my review, I absolutely loved "I just don't know where he -" from Karl. It is a simple insight into just what Todd means to him!!

And as for what happens next between them.....maxiiiiiii.....plllleassseee! Though it is too late for pleading, isn't it?! :p

So, great work again, .maxi; and I'll conclude with my 'here we go...' line of the episode.........

A taxi passes him and stops outside the Grimshaw house. Out steps a familiar face...

When will Kidnap be up? And World Gone Wrong....oh my, I will not like 'this', will I? :( :o

xx Joanna xx

2:42 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i enjoyed this episode.

best bit was the paragraph with matt ramsden... i'm scared for the next few episodes!

5:08 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You never fail to impress.

Can't wait for the next episode...!

9:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AWESOME.

i can just see this happenin on telly

10:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ive read all the episdoes and i just thought i'd drop by to congratulate you on your fantastic work.

It really is amazing, well done than thanks so much!!!

The last episode is in 2 parts! oh my god, 'World Gone Wrong' - for who?? i reckon Matt Ramsden or Ashley?? or maybe Todd? or Ronnie? god, so many things! Any spoilers?

10:44 pm  
Blogger James said...

Hi, corriefan! Thanks for your comment!

Without wanting to give too much away, the 'World Gone Wrong' will be a fitting title for nearly all the storylines in some way. :)

The final episode will feature a climax to all the storylines featured in The Cobbles since the beginning, throwing some into an entirely new direction. Expect a tear-jerking, nail-biting, high-octane finale episode (Part 2 is especially true of this). I've been writing the finale for a while, it's very long (even split into two) so I may condense it a little. Also some of the drama is a little too cataclysmic, and I may tone it down, though I quite like it.

If I do do a Second Season, I will maintain many of the plots from this season (and some of the 'aftermaths') but introduce one or two new plots (my take on the Hillman card senders is one idea).

Who knows, anyway! When the series is done I am going to go through all the episodes and fine tune - correcting spelling and some grammar where possible and clearing up any holes/mistakes, so that everything is perfect.

.maxi :)

11:40 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maxi

i just read the episode - sorry it took me a little longer than norml - i was busy.

i liked it - and i can't wait for the next episodes - two parters The description at the end was good, adn also realistic - as to what happens in soaps on TV

Dialogue good, and as i said, a great episode.

can't wait for more

10:02 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought you would get worse but you continue to excel, .maxi

11:01 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow maxi! This keeps getting better and better! Well done!
Can't wait for the next eppy!!

Laurel
XXX

11:47 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FAB!!!! but scary.

Someone's going to die aren't they? Matt has a gun! :(

oomg!! and Jamie has Danny well stitched up there..

and Todd and Karl are back together...... what will happen there?

WHEN is the next episode?

1:14 pm  
Blogger James said...

Next episode, pandoras box is Saturday May 6.

There's a promo on the main blog page.

.maxi :)

5:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap that trailer is amazing!

6:40 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

freakin awesome video

6:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHY A WEEK TILL THE FINALE?!

6:55 pm  
Blogger James said...

Because it's long! lol, i'm sorry, Flossie! It'll be worth the wait, hopefully!

Thanks everyone else for the kind comments.

7:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG listening to the promo in a dark room alone is scary but very effective though. Great episode they keep getting better and better

9:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent work maxi! I adore the promo!

9:52 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG - that is brilliant - how did you do it.

can't wait til next Satutrday - i'm almost looking forward to it as much as Lost on tuesday - and trust me, that is a lot of looking forward to it.

will there be another one?

9:53 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that trailer is. so. good.
matt had a gun in this episode and there was a gunshot in the trailer... omg. i am so looking forward to the finale!!
your writing is the BEST!!!

10:01 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello I have read your fan fiction and it has inspired me to write my own story.

I love it so much and hope you become a very successful writer in later life. It saddens me that your fiction is coming to an end, but it has been so great to read each week.

All the best,
Lily xxx

11:21 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great, just great

1:02 am  

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