1.11a - World Gone Wrong
We return to Coronation Street, and Todd can barely believe his eyes.
'Hello, Todd,' says Karl, and Todd knows his tone. It's calm and almost jokey to listen to, but deep down Karl is agitated and upset.
'Why are you - where did you?'
'I was always going to find you, Todd,' says Karl. 'Are you going to invite me in?'
Todd reluctantly lets Karl in. Jason had long scarpered from the scene. Regaining composure, Todd follows Karl into the lounge, where Karl sits. 'It's been a while since I were here,' says Karl, and Todd ignores him, walking into the kitchen.
Knowing what makes Todd tick, Karl smiles as he stares at the wall, saying, '"my mate with the beautiful eyes", do you remember that?'
Todd, who is in the kitchen pretending to do something, stops in his tracks, and then realises Karl has managed to make him think again. Determined, he carries on.
'I didn't think I'd see you again after that day, Todd, but I did - and when you came and found me I thought you'd be back for good.'
Having had enough, Todd decides to retaliate. 'You know what happened,' he snaps. 'You know why I couldn't stay.'
'Because you thought you had feelings for Jenny,' Karl says, stressing the irony in the sound of the female name. 'I thought you'd realised you were gay, Todd... you had boyfriends, you told me that.'
'I know - I did, I know that!' Todd splutters.
'So what's the problem?' Karl persists, turning round this time to face Todd, before impulsively standing up and coming to stand by him. 'Why'd you leave?' he says, gently pushing Todd's head up so they face each other.
Their eyes met.
'They're still beautiful, Todd...' Karl whispers.
In the Rovers, Karen is staring at Steve, wide-eyed and angry. 'Pregnant? Are you joking?'
'No!' Steve replies fretfully, returning the glare.
'So that's the third woman you've impregnated,' points out Karen, trying to keep her voice down.
'I - know,' Steve hisses.
'How could you be so stupid?' Karen says, louder this time. 'Flippin' hell, Steve,' she adds, biting her nails. 'Amy Barlow was enough, more than enough... what about me – my…'
'Well worry about yourself, why don't you?'
'I'm worrying about our baby, Steve.'
'I'm worrying about everything,' he fires back. 'Five minutes I only had one child, now you and Ronnie ... at the same time, Jesus...'
'There's only one thing you can do...'
'What? If you're talking abortion, just you try it,' says Steve. 'I did and she almost killed me.'
'You want me to try it?'
Steve snorts. 'I'd like to see you try. You don’t know Ronnie.’
'All right,' says Karen, standing up. Steve's eyes widen as he realises she's serious. Karen's halfway out of the Rovers before Steve leaps up and rushes after her.
Karen strides through the Street.
‘KAREN,’ Steve shouts in disbelief. ‘I wasn’t being serious!’
‘I’ve fried bigger fish than her,’ Karen replies, as they reach Steve’s flat door. ‘Now let me in.’
Steve goes to worm his way out of it, but reconsiders, opting for a, ‘no.’
Amused at his pathetic attempt at authority, Karen smiles, then the smile wipes from her face and she lowers her tone. ‘Let me in. Now.’
‘She’ll leave me, Karen!’
‘Maybe that’s what you need…’
‘No!’ he shouts. ‘If you’re trying to split us up…’
‘I’m not, Steve, babe,’ says Karen. ‘I just want things to be right for me, you and Oscar. Now open it.'
Defeated by Karen’s persistence, Steve puts his key in the door.
Back at the Grimshaw house, Todd and Karl are talking. ‘When we said goodbye the first time, that was okay,’ said Karl. ‘Even though I thought about you every day, I knew it was a mutual thing. When you came back, when you found me, I was happy Todd, really happy. And I was surprised. I thought we’d be together, properly. Y'know, for real. Even when you told me you didn’t love me, that you had a girlfriend, I was still okay, because you were there… and then when you kissed me again... last week, out of nowhere, I didn’t know what to think. I was going to ask you, you know, the day after you were at my flat.’
‘But I left,’ Todd says, finishing the sentence. ‘I know.’
‘You didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t tell me where you were going. I was devastated, Todd… really devastated.’
‘How did you find me?’
‘That doesn’t matter. What I want to know is this: were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?'
‘I don’t know…’ says Todd.
‘What’s wrong, Todd? Why are you so afraid of being with me?’
‘I don’t know…’ Todd repeats.
‘Is it that you think I don’t love you? That I don’t care? That I’ll leave you? ‘Cause I won’t. You’re the one running away, Todd… or is it that you don’t love me?’
Todd screws up his face like he is finding this all difficult to hear. ‘It’s not that…’
‘What then? You don’t want to be with me? What is it, Todd, tell me?’
‘I guess… I guess I’m just worried you think I’m not good enough for you.’
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘It’s true.’
‘You’re more than good enough for me, Todd.’
Todd’s kiss comes without warning. Karl kisses him back, albeit slightly confused, and then Todd pulls him into a bone crunching hug. ‘I’m sorry!’ he says.
‘It’s all right,’ says Karl, smiling in surprise. ‘It’s all right, mate!’
In the darkened Street, Matt Ramsden sits in his car, and dials a number on his mobile phone. His eyes flash with malice.
The phone rings at the Peacock’s as Claire, Ashley, Josh and Ellie eat.
‘I’ll get it,’ says Claire, standing up. At that moment, Ellie lets out a squeal and starts crying. ‘Ohh,’ Claire says sadly, picking up Ellie and cradling her in her arms.
‘I’ll do it then,’ says Ashley, climbing up and retrieving the handset. ‘Hello?’
‘It’s Matt.’
‘I told you not to come anywhere near us again,’ Ashley hisses. Claire looks up, and stops rocking Ellie. She closes her eyes.
‘Meet me in the Rovers for five minutes and I’ll never bother you again. I swear. I’m not going to try and take Josh, I just need to say something to you. Then I’ll leave you alone, you’ll never see me again, okay?’
Ashley roars, ‘I’ve said NO, Matt, so piss off and leave my family in peace!’
Claire winces at Ashley’s swearing.
‘All I want to do is give you something of Maxine’s… that’s all, I realised today you are a better parent to Josh than I could ever be. It’s not about Josh…’
The sound of his ex-wife's name softens Ashley.
‘Fine!’ Ashley replies, still furiously, but the real passion gone. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes.’
The line goes dead and Ashley slams down the receiver.
‘Who was that?’ asks Claire, though she already knows.
‘Matt Ramsden,’ Ashley spits with contempt.
‘And what does he want?’
‘He wants to meet me, doesn’t he? He says it’s the last time he’ll bother.’
‘And you’re going to go?’
‘YES,’ says Ashley, picking up his coat. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
He opens the front door and steps out into the biting cold and the wind, storming in the direction of the Rovers. Matt spots him from his car, shadowed in the dim lamplight. He waits, and then, minutes later, watches Ashley enter.
Retrieving the gun, he steps out of the car. He slides the gun into the back pocket and stares at the Rovers, buzzing with energy. Then his eyes turn, and he faces in the direction of the end of the street.
And he begins to head toward the Peacock house…
Jamie Baldwin receives a call on his mobile. It’s not one from his phone book. Perturbed, he picks up. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi there, it’s Helen Peters from the Gazette.’
‘It’s like eleven pm,’ Jamie says.
‘Working late,’ she replies. ‘I hear you’ve got a story for us.’
‘Well, yes, I do,’ says Jamie, grinning.
'Go on...'
‘Danny Baldwin, my Dad, is giving the contents of my grandfather’s will to charity. And Mike was worth a hell of a lot!’
‘Why?’ asks Helen.
‘He’s so selfless,’ continues Jamie. ‘I keep telling him it’s not what Mike would have wanted, but he’s adamant.’
‘And which charity is he giving it to?’
‘The Alzheimer’s Trust.’
‘And how much would you say he is donating to charity?’
‘I’m not sure, but put it this way – Mike had villas in Spain, London apartments – he was rich.’
‘We’ll send someone round in the morning for an interview.’
‘Okay!’
‘All right, thanks, bye now.’
‘Bye,’ says Jamie. Once the call was finished, he stared up at the sky. He knew he was about to ruin his father forever. But he really believed Danny deserved it. He had conned Mike out of everything, and Jamie was suspicious of the will – he was sure Danny had something to do with Adam and he receiving so little.
Yes, he thought. Danny deserved it.
He found the second pre-entered number on his mobile, and dialled. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi,’ says Jamie. ‘Is this The Sun’s office?’
‘It is indeed.’
‘I’ve got a shocking story for you.’
‘You’ll have to call back during –‘
‘This man,' Jamie cuts over the woman, 'has told the local papers he’s donating hundreds of thousands to charity and it’s all a big fat lie.’
There was a pause. The woman’s voice muffled. ‘Give me a minute, Doug,’ she says to someone else. Then her voice is clearer. ‘Tell me more…’
Steve opens his flat with caution, and Karen strides in. ‘Karen…’ he starts.
‘Where are ye?’ Karen says, before discovering Ronnie in the bedroom.
‘Do you mind? I’m trying to get changed here!’ Ronnie cries indignantly.
‘You’re carryin’ Steve’s baby right?’ Karen asks.
‘Yes,’ Ronnie says quietly, instantly upset at the news spreading.
‘Yeah well guess what? He’s already got two kids, he doesn’t need another!’
Steve put his head in his hands.
‘I never asked for this…!’ Ronnie cries. ‘Do you think I wanted this?’
‘Karen,’ Steve says, ‘you’re upsetting her. I told you this was a bad idea, you flippin’ idiot!’
Karen stares back at Steve angrily, and Ronnie speaks. ‘So that baby of hers is yours too, is it? Maybe she’s right, maybe I shouldn’t keep this baby.’
Ronnie stands up, picking up the bag she’d packed earlier.
‘You can’t do this! I won’t let you run away again,’ Steve says.
‘Steve, let her go!’ Karen says in a falsely sympathetic voice. Ronnie passes Karen and Steve and leaves the flat almost instantly after donning a coat and shoes. Steve stares at the blank space in front of him, shocked. Karen touches his cheek.
‘Come on baby,’ Karen says. ‘Don’t be sad.’
Steve looks up blankly at her, before bursting out. ‘Don’t be sad?’ he roars. ‘You’ve ruined everything for me, Karen! And you don’t want me to be sad? Well it’s a bit too late for that! Get out of here, go on!’
‘Steve!’ Karen cries, shocked.
‘Get out!’ he shouts, lifting and dragging Karen under the arms. ‘And don’t come back! I don’t want to see you – or that baby – ever again!’
He slams the door and Karen bangs on it. ‘STEVE!’ she shouts, over the bangs. ‘STEVE!’
Todd and Karl sit in the Grimshaw sitting room, Todd resting on Karl’s shoulder. ‘I never meant to leave you, you know.’
‘Sure you didn’t,’ says Karl, smiling.
‘I didn’t.’
‘Okay.’
‘’K.’
‘Are you going back then?’
‘Back where…?’
‘To Uni.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I’m not sure I could cope with losing you again, Todd… and if you go back to Uni we’ll drift apart.’
‘Then I won’t go back,’ says Todd, as though this settled the matter.
‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously.’
‘But it’s your… your education… your life…’
‘This is life,’ says Todd, moving into a position where he faced Karl head on. ‘This life is more important than a degree. Me being happy. I don’t need to graduate to be happy, Karl.’
He kisses him, smiles, and goes back to his previous position. ‘I’m happy enough as I am.’
The door rings.
Todd looks up. ‘I’ll get it,’ he says.
Karl replies, ‘Nah, let me,’ before standing up and making for the door. Todd sits up straight and checks the time. Half eleven.
Moments later, Karl re-enters. ‘Todd, someone here to see you…’
Todd turns around. Standing by a grimacing Karl’s side is Jenny, the girl he messed around, the girl he hurt, the girl he destroyed. She stares down at him, and just the sight of him causes tears to brim in her eyes...
In the Rovers, Ashley waits at a table. He checks his watch. Matt Ramsden had arranged a meeting and not showed up. He wonders where he is, and as he does so, his anger steadily rises…
… while in the dark of the street, the man himself reaches the Peacock door. He rings the doorbell and immediately hides away from view. Moments later, the door opens, and Claire stares out into the darkness. Then, Matt sidesteps into view, arms outstretched. This time, Claire doesn’t shut the door.
Because she’s staring into the barrel of a loaded gun.
'Hello, Todd,' says Karl, and Todd knows his tone. It's calm and almost jokey to listen to, but deep down Karl is agitated and upset.
'Why are you - where did you?'
'I was always going to find you, Todd,' says Karl. 'Are you going to invite me in?'
Todd reluctantly lets Karl in. Jason had long scarpered from the scene. Regaining composure, Todd follows Karl into the lounge, where Karl sits. 'It's been a while since I were here,' says Karl, and Todd ignores him, walking into the kitchen.
Knowing what makes Todd tick, Karl smiles as he stares at the wall, saying, '"my mate with the beautiful eyes", do you remember that?'
Todd, who is in the kitchen pretending to do something, stops in his tracks, and then realises Karl has managed to make him think again. Determined, he carries on.
'I didn't think I'd see you again after that day, Todd, but I did - and when you came and found me I thought you'd be back for good.'
Having had enough, Todd decides to retaliate. 'You know what happened,' he snaps. 'You know why I couldn't stay.'
'Because you thought you had feelings for Jenny,' Karl says, stressing the irony in the sound of the female name. 'I thought you'd realised you were gay, Todd... you had boyfriends, you told me that.'
'I know - I did, I know that!' Todd splutters.
'So what's the problem?' Karl persists, turning round this time to face Todd, before impulsively standing up and coming to stand by him. 'Why'd you leave?' he says, gently pushing Todd's head up so they face each other.
Their eyes met.
'They're still beautiful, Todd...' Karl whispers.
In the Rovers, Karen is staring at Steve, wide-eyed and angry. 'Pregnant? Are you joking?'
'No!' Steve replies fretfully, returning the glare.
'So that's the third woman you've impregnated,' points out Karen, trying to keep her voice down.
'I - know,' Steve hisses.
'How could you be so stupid?' Karen says, louder this time. 'Flippin' hell, Steve,' she adds, biting her nails. 'Amy Barlow was enough, more than enough... what about me – my…'
'Well worry about yourself, why don't you?'
'I'm worrying about our baby, Steve.'
'I'm worrying about everything,' he fires back. 'Five minutes I only had one child, now you and Ronnie ... at the same time, Jesus...'
'There's only one thing you can do...'
'What? If you're talking abortion, just you try it,' says Steve. 'I did and she almost killed me.'
'You want me to try it?'
Steve snorts. 'I'd like to see you try. You don’t know Ronnie.’
'All right,' says Karen, standing up. Steve's eyes widen as he realises she's serious. Karen's halfway out of the Rovers before Steve leaps up and rushes after her.
Karen strides through the Street.
‘KAREN,’ Steve shouts in disbelief. ‘I wasn’t being serious!’
‘I’ve fried bigger fish than her,’ Karen replies, as they reach Steve’s flat door. ‘Now let me in.’
Steve goes to worm his way out of it, but reconsiders, opting for a, ‘no.’
Amused at his pathetic attempt at authority, Karen smiles, then the smile wipes from her face and she lowers her tone. ‘Let me in. Now.’
‘She’ll leave me, Karen!’
‘Maybe that’s what you need…’
‘No!’ he shouts. ‘If you’re trying to split us up…’
‘I’m not, Steve, babe,’ says Karen. ‘I just want things to be right for me, you and Oscar. Now open it.'
Defeated by Karen’s persistence, Steve puts his key in the door.
Back at the Grimshaw house, Todd and Karl are talking. ‘When we said goodbye the first time, that was okay,’ said Karl. ‘Even though I thought about you every day, I knew it was a mutual thing. When you came back, when you found me, I was happy Todd, really happy. And I was surprised. I thought we’d be together, properly. Y'know, for real. Even when you told me you didn’t love me, that you had a girlfriend, I was still okay, because you were there… and then when you kissed me again... last week, out of nowhere, I didn’t know what to think. I was going to ask you, you know, the day after you were at my flat.’
‘But I left,’ Todd says, finishing the sentence. ‘I know.’
‘You didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t tell me where you were going. I was devastated, Todd… really devastated.’
‘How did you find me?’
‘That doesn’t matter. What I want to know is this: were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?'
‘I don’t know…’ says Todd.
‘What’s wrong, Todd? Why are you so afraid of being with me?’
‘I don’t know…’ Todd repeats.
‘Is it that you think I don’t love you? That I don’t care? That I’ll leave you? ‘Cause I won’t. You’re the one running away, Todd… or is it that you don’t love me?’
Todd screws up his face like he is finding this all difficult to hear. ‘It’s not that…’
‘What then? You don’t want to be with me? What is it, Todd, tell me?’
‘I guess… I guess I’m just worried you think I’m not good enough for you.’
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘It’s true.’
‘You’re more than good enough for me, Todd.’
Todd’s kiss comes without warning. Karl kisses him back, albeit slightly confused, and then Todd pulls him into a bone crunching hug. ‘I’m sorry!’ he says.
‘It’s all right,’ says Karl, smiling in surprise. ‘It’s all right, mate!’
In the darkened Street, Matt Ramsden sits in his car, and dials a number on his mobile phone. His eyes flash with malice.
The phone rings at the Peacock’s as Claire, Ashley, Josh and Ellie eat.
‘I’ll get it,’ says Claire, standing up. At that moment, Ellie lets out a squeal and starts crying. ‘Ohh,’ Claire says sadly, picking up Ellie and cradling her in her arms.
‘I’ll do it then,’ says Ashley, climbing up and retrieving the handset. ‘Hello?’
‘It’s Matt.’
‘I told you not to come anywhere near us again,’ Ashley hisses. Claire looks up, and stops rocking Ellie. She closes her eyes.
‘Meet me in the Rovers for five minutes and I’ll never bother you again. I swear. I’m not going to try and take Josh, I just need to say something to you. Then I’ll leave you alone, you’ll never see me again, okay?’
Ashley roars, ‘I’ve said NO, Matt, so piss off and leave my family in peace!’
Claire winces at Ashley’s swearing.
‘All I want to do is give you something of Maxine’s… that’s all, I realised today you are a better parent to Josh than I could ever be. It’s not about Josh…’
The sound of his ex-wife's name softens Ashley.
‘Fine!’ Ashley replies, still furiously, but the real passion gone. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes.’
The line goes dead and Ashley slams down the receiver.
‘Who was that?’ asks Claire, though she already knows.
‘Matt Ramsden,’ Ashley spits with contempt.
‘And what does he want?’
‘He wants to meet me, doesn’t he? He says it’s the last time he’ll bother.’
‘And you’re going to go?’
‘YES,’ says Ashley, picking up his coat. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
He opens the front door and steps out into the biting cold and the wind, storming in the direction of the Rovers. Matt spots him from his car, shadowed in the dim lamplight. He waits, and then, minutes later, watches Ashley enter.
Retrieving the gun, he steps out of the car. He slides the gun into the back pocket and stares at the Rovers, buzzing with energy. Then his eyes turn, and he faces in the direction of the end of the street.
And he begins to head toward the Peacock house…
Jamie Baldwin receives a call on his mobile. It’s not one from his phone book. Perturbed, he picks up. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi there, it’s Helen Peters from the Gazette.’
‘It’s like eleven pm,’ Jamie says.
‘Working late,’ she replies. ‘I hear you’ve got a story for us.’
‘Well, yes, I do,’ says Jamie, grinning.
'Go on...'
‘Danny Baldwin, my Dad, is giving the contents of my grandfather’s will to charity. And Mike was worth a hell of a lot!’
‘Why?’ asks Helen.
‘He’s so selfless,’ continues Jamie. ‘I keep telling him it’s not what Mike would have wanted, but he’s adamant.’
‘And which charity is he giving it to?’
‘The Alzheimer’s Trust.’
‘And how much would you say he is donating to charity?’
‘I’m not sure, but put it this way – Mike had villas in Spain, London apartments – he was rich.’
‘We’ll send someone round in the morning for an interview.’
‘Okay!’
‘All right, thanks, bye now.’
‘Bye,’ says Jamie. Once the call was finished, he stared up at the sky. He knew he was about to ruin his father forever. But he really believed Danny deserved it. He had conned Mike out of everything, and Jamie was suspicious of the will – he was sure Danny had something to do with Adam and he receiving so little.
Yes, he thought. Danny deserved it.
He found the second pre-entered number on his mobile, and dialled. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi,’ says Jamie. ‘Is this The Sun’s office?’
‘It is indeed.’
‘I’ve got a shocking story for you.’
‘You’ll have to call back during –‘
‘This man,' Jamie cuts over the woman, 'has told the local papers he’s donating hundreds of thousands to charity and it’s all a big fat lie.’
There was a pause. The woman’s voice muffled. ‘Give me a minute, Doug,’ she says to someone else. Then her voice is clearer. ‘Tell me more…’
Steve opens his flat with caution, and Karen strides in. ‘Karen…’ he starts.
‘Where are ye?’ Karen says, before discovering Ronnie in the bedroom.
‘Do you mind? I’m trying to get changed here!’ Ronnie cries indignantly.
‘You’re carryin’ Steve’s baby right?’ Karen asks.
‘Yes,’ Ronnie says quietly, instantly upset at the news spreading.
‘Yeah well guess what? He’s already got two kids, he doesn’t need another!’
Steve put his head in his hands.
‘I never asked for this…!’ Ronnie cries. ‘Do you think I wanted this?’
‘Karen,’ Steve says, ‘you’re upsetting her. I told you this was a bad idea, you flippin’ idiot!’
Karen stares back at Steve angrily, and Ronnie speaks. ‘So that baby of hers is yours too, is it? Maybe she’s right, maybe I shouldn’t keep this baby.’
Ronnie stands up, picking up the bag she’d packed earlier.
‘You can’t do this! I won’t let you run away again,’ Steve says.
‘Steve, let her go!’ Karen says in a falsely sympathetic voice. Ronnie passes Karen and Steve and leaves the flat almost instantly after donning a coat and shoes. Steve stares at the blank space in front of him, shocked. Karen touches his cheek.
‘Come on baby,’ Karen says. ‘Don’t be sad.’
Steve looks up blankly at her, before bursting out. ‘Don’t be sad?’ he roars. ‘You’ve ruined everything for me, Karen! And you don’t want me to be sad? Well it’s a bit too late for that! Get out of here, go on!’
‘Steve!’ Karen cries, shocked.
‘Get out!’ he shouts, lifting and dragging Karen under the arms. ‘And don’t come back! I don’t want to see you – or that baby – ever again!’
He slams the door and Karen bangs on it. ‘STEVE!’ she shouts, over the bangs. ‘STEVE!’
Todd and Karl sit in the Grimshaw sitting room, Todd resting on Karl’s shoulder. ‘I never meant to leave you, you know.’
‘Sure you didn’t,’ says Karl, smiling.
‘I didn’t.’
‘Okay.’
‘’K.’
‘Are you going back then?’
‘Back where…?’
‘To Uni.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I’m not sure I could cope with losing you again, Todd… and if you go back to Uni we’ll drift apart.’
‘Then I won’t go back,’ says Todd, as though this settled the matter.
‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously.’
‘But it’s your… your education… your life…’
‘This is life,’ says Todd, moving into a position where he faced Karl head on. ‘This life is more important than a degree. Me being happy. I don’t need to graduate to be happy, Karl.’
He kisses him, smiles, and goes back to his previous position. ‘I’m happy enough as I am.’
The door rings.
Todd looks up. ‘I’ll get it,’ he says.
Karl replies, ‘Nah, let me,’ before standing up and making for the door. Todd sits up straight and checks the time. Half eleven.
Moments later, Karl re-enters. ‘Todd, someone here to see you…’
Todd turns around. Standing by a grimacing Karl’s side is Jenny, the girl he messed around, the girl he hurt, the girl he destroyed. She stares down at him, and just the sight of him causes tears to brim in her eyes...
In the Rovers, Ashley waits at a table. He checks his watch. Matt Ramsden had arranged a meeting and not showed up. He wonders where he is, and as he does so, his anger steadily rises…
… while in the dark of the street, the man himself reaches the Peacock door. He rings the doorbell and immediately hides away from view. Moments later, the door opens, and Claire stares out into the darkness. Then, Matt sidesteps into view, arms outstretched. This time, Claire doesn’t shut the door.
Because she’s staring into the barrel of a loaded gun.
Episode posted by James at 9:13 pm
7 Reviews:
a great script!
Wow, that was brilliant. I mean fantastic! Where do I start. Well:
Their eyes met.
'They're still beautiful, Todd...' Karl whispers.
That was a beautiful piece of writing. Loved it. Loved that whole scene. Loved the dialogue between Karl and Todd, it was really well written, and I want to know more about what happened with Jenny. I need to find out about this back story.
Then the other story with Karen and Ronnie was great, I could just imagine Karen saying all this.
‘Where are ye?’
Don't ask me why that comments stands out, but it just does. I can imagine Karen storming in, mouthing off.
Loved the twist with Jamie calling The Sun. Can't wait to see how that plays out.
And what a cliffhanger! Roll on part 2. Well done.
Another fab eppy! Bet Joanna's gonna love this one! Oooooh, can't wait til the next one now! I want to know what happens with Jenny, Claire and Steve/Karen/Ronnie!!
I hate cliffhangers
maxi! Well written, if I haven't already said so! The ending scared me slightly, especially seeing as i am in a dark room with the echoes of your trailer gun shot embedded in my head !
Keep up the good work!
.maxi - WOW WOW WOW! Just stunning - really stunning! :)
I'm not really sure where to start with this review.....Okay....
I see you've gone for another episode where you let your dialogue do most of the talking, so to speak - it was very imagery light again. This is no bad thing, btw, and worked absolutely superbly here.
I also noticed how you've used your characters physicality here to symbolise the emotions they are feeling at key story points. There were a lot of 'hands' and 'heads' in this episode!! For instance, we had Steve putting his head in his hands, Steve dragging Karen out of his and Ronnie's flat, Claire cradling her daughter in her arms...etc.....Oh, and we had a shoulder too....Todd and Karl sit in the Grimshaw sitting room, Todd resting on Karl’s shoulder. Hee!
This approach to your storytelling really brought out the power in the emotions that were on display, and so a big WELL DONE from me on that!
Once more, your ear for 'character-true' dialogue is still fairly close to perfect!!
For example, your dialogue for Steve was so 'appropriate', and I could really imagine him saying the words you'd chosen for him. So.....
+ I loved Steve 'worrying about everything', as I could so hear him saying that line - and with a certain 'look' on his face too!!
+ Steve saying *flippin'* a couple of times was sooo true to his character!
+ And....‘KAREN,’ Steve shouts in disbelief. ‘I wasn’t being serious!’
And a line that illustrates Karen's character so well is this one......
‘Steve, let her go!’ Karen says in a falsely sympathetic voice.
One of my two favourite lines (you can guess the second one already, but I'll leave that till the end of my review!) is from Todd, partly because it serves as a reminder of dialogue from a scene between Todd and Karl from 23 May 2004 (Todd tries to persuade Karl to be his bit on the side....and Karl refuses), and also - and linking in with reason one - it is soooo what Todd would say, it is spooky!!.........
'I know - I did, I know that!' Todd splutters.
Right, well before I ramble on about Todd and Karl some more, here are a few critical points I took from your fic (they are very few, btw!)......
+ There were quite a few mistakes with your grammar.
+ Linking in with the above, this line needed some extra clarity.....Knowing what makes Todd tick, Karl smiles as he stares at the wall... I think you meant here that Todd stares at the wall whilst Karl smiles, though it actually sounds like Karl is staring at the wall and not Todd!
+ I don't think, after Todd hugs him, that Karl would have said 'mate' in that second line that followed.
+ Not sure Karl would have said the 'were' part of this...."It's been a while since I were here."
+ Todd "resting on Karl's shoulder" sounded odd, as it sounded like his whole body was weighing down on that one shoulder!! Think it would have worked better to have said "Todd's head resting on...."
+ Todd giving Karl a 'bone-crushing' hug.....arrgghhh.....Remember, Todd loves Karl, .maxi!!!!
Okay, *deep breathes*.....it's Todd and Karl gush time.....OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG....O.....M....GGGGG! :eek: :)
The way you wrote the Todd and Karl part of your fic was just absolutely amazing, .maxi....truly astounding! *Joanna claps hands to applaud .maxi*
You must be a certain 'somebody' in disguise....you are you are you are you are you are you are you are YOU ARE! :D
Okay, what permeated the Todd and Karl narrative in this episode was both nostalgic echoes of their relationship up until the point in your fic (I'll explain this in a bit) and a strong sense of the magic that is between them.
Todd 'knowing' Karl's tone highlighted not only the familiarity they share but the 'knowledge' of that special bond that links them.
'I was always going to find you, Todd,' says Karl. 'Are you going to invite me in?'......This line exemplifies the magic that is between them, and again spotlights the unique bond that they possess. I really loved this line, .maxi.
Loved how you went straight into this.....‘When we said goodbye the first time, that was okay,’ said Karl. ‘Even though I thought about you every day, I knew it was a mutual thing'.........This was very true to how a scene would continue on if it was shown on Corrie.
However, following on in that same paragraph........When you came back, when you found me, I was happy Todd, really happy. I thought we’d be together, properly. Even when you told me you didn’t love me, that you had a girlfriend, I was still okay, because you were there… and then when you kissed me again last week, I didn’t know what to think. I was going to ask you, you know, the day after you left my flat.’ :eek:
Now, Todd told Sean that it was Karl that found him, but here Karl says that Todd came looking for him. Did Todd tell a few big porkies to Sean, then?! And Todd kissed Karl 'last week'...:eek: :)....Aaah, it all begins to fall into place as to why Todd came back to t'cobbles when he did!
What I found you used to very clever effect here, with Todd and Karl, were those 'nostalgic echoes' that I mentioned earlier.
Pieces of Todd and Karl's dialogue had strong resonances with 'scenes' they've played out together before. For example, there was that 'I know' line from Todd, that I mentioned earlier. Then there was this line....
'I was always going to find you, Todd,' says Karl.
The above line reminded me of a scene between them from 14 April, when Karl told Todd.....Look, Todd, it's quite simple: you and me, it's gonna happen - and the sooner you accept it, the better!
Also, moments like when Karl walked up to Todd "gently pushing Todd's head up so they could face each other", reminded me of the scene between them from 19 April - the infamous (to a discerning few, anyway!) 'sink pinning scene', where Karl gets closer and closer to Todd, then strokes his face.....I won't quote any of the dialogue from that genius scene here, but I think you get the picture!!
Another reminder of 'sink pinning' came with the line that immediately followed "'I was always going to find you', says Karl".
'Are you going to invite me in?'
It reminded me of the line, 'You not going to offer me a tea?'!!!!
And Todd walking into the kitchen whilst Karl is trying to talk to him, with Todd then being 'determined' as 'he carried on', harked back strongly to a scene between them from 23 August 2004.
So, the way you weaved Todd and Karl's past feelings and 'moments' into how they are interacting now worked extremely well, and really added depth to the emotions inherently within their part of your story - very very well done, again.
This was a nice touch to the beginning of your fic, btw.....Jason had long scarpered from the scene. It added some lightness to the intensity of your opening scene, and so helped in your build-up to what was already on its way.
Todd’s kiss comes without warning. Karl kisses him back, albeit slightly confused, and then Todd pulls him into a bone crunching hug. "I’m sorry!" he says.
All I'll say on the above, apart from *arrgghh* on that 'bone-crunching hug', is.....*smiley face*!!
I just hope I haven't seen built up a Todd and Karl house of cards, which on one flick of the finger against the card right at the very top.....I know it is too late to plead and beg, but......maxiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! :D :o
Along with that Jason 'scarpering' line, there were some other nice touches in this episode too. An example of these is when Claire got upset at Ashley's swearing...and he had only said 'piss off'!!
And like BoredStudent, I also loved Karen's 'Where are ye?'.....I loved how you substituted 'you'/'ya' for 'ye', as this is how Karen would speak! Noticed you've previously had Jason saying it a bit too!
Your Steve/Ronnie/Karen storyline is moving along very well, so good work there.
And as for what you are doing with Ashley/Claire/Matt....!!!! 'Oh my goodness' at....Retrieving the gun, he steps out of the car. He slides the gun into the back pocket and stares at the Rovers, buzzing with energy. Then his eyes turn, and he faces in the direction of the end of the street.
And he begins to head toward the Peacock house…
Wowwww......And that cliffhanger!!
And Matt's eyes' flashing with malice' was very expressive, .maxi!
Ooh, and naughty naughty Jamie, hey?! Interested at how this scheming of his plays out!
So, my concluding thoughts on your fic.......OMG OMG!! Amazingly stunningly astoundingly brilliant fic, .maxi. Just loved it!! The Todd and Karl 'stuff' was amazing.....but.....grrrrrrrr at Jenny's appearance and just as Todd and Karl were having a lovely little 'moment' too! Very interested to read how you continue on with 'this'....*gulp*, and so I await the continuation of TK's story very keenly - though I await the whole of World Gone Wrong (Part 2) eagerly! Is it up later today?
Right, now I'll end my review with what is, at least so far, my favourite line of your entire fic. I think you can guess it already, particularly as it has been rather conspicuous by its absence from my review.
I read the following line and my eyes started to get rather watery and I began to feel a little emotional. And, in my humble opinion, this line from Karl, as his and Todd's eyes 'met', is up there with 'My mate with the beautiful eyes', which Jonathan Harvey had Karl saying so lovingly to Todd back on 23 August 2004...........
"They're still beautiful, Todd..." Karl whispers.
Thank you, .maxi. :)
xx Joanna xx
erm when will the next part be up?
PLEASE WRITE SOME MORE!
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